Behind the Scenes of Power: Emotional Labor in Negotiation

Welcome to the VBCA podcast where we explore the inner mechanics of value based care, the psychology of leadership and the often unspoken forces that shape our healthcare system.I'm your host, Alex Yarijanian and today I want to talk about something that isn't in your contract or your KPI report, but it lives in every negotiation, every strategy session, and even difficult conversations you've had as a leader. And I'm talking about emotional labor. Now, emotional labor isn't a clinical term.It was first coined by sociologists, sociologist Arlie Hochschild to describe the work required to manage feelings, yours and others, as part of your job. Think flight attendants smiling through turbulence. Or therapists absorbing pain without showing their own right.But in healthcare leadership, emotional labor sounds like this one. Holding space for a provider who feels burned out while negotiating rates and is coming at you.Calming a payer executive's anxiety about risk based contracting, pitching a core model that saves lives. To a CFO who's only focused on utilization metrics, it's the emotional finesse behind the scenes that really takes a toll. Let me give you an example.Last year I was in a multi stakeholder negotiation. I was advocating for expanded maternity benefits for low income mothers, dual access, community based care, all of it.One of the executives across the table, you know, brilliant person, data driven, kept pushing back. Rather than escalate, I shifted the tone. I asked that about their experience with childbirth. I let silence work.I didn't meet resistance with friction. I met it with empathy. That's emotional labor and that isn't easy. I had to suppress frustration. I had to manage my own self talk.I had to show strengths and softness. Some of you know me know I have a tic, so I have to manage my tics. And so why don't we talk about this more often?Why don't we talk about the emotional labor? It's the silent tax of emotional labor. That's really something that does over time weigh you and burn you out.Because it's invisible, because it's feminized. Because in boardrooms we reward logic over emotional intelligence.But the truth is really leaders who perform high levels of emotional labor are often quite understated. They're underestimated and at the same time they are over relied upon.This is especially true for those whose leadership already challenges dominant norms. Their emotional labor is higher. Their emotional labor isn't optional. It's required just to be heard.So how does emotional labor come out in negotiations? Negotiation is a theater of emotions. You're managing power, fear, scarcity, ego Your emotional labor is your unseen toolkit. Here's how I use it. 1.I scan the emotional field. Who's tense, who's posturing, who's disconnected their collective body language, individual body language to the extent possible.Then I adapt my energy. If the room is cold, I warm it up. If it's aggressive, I slow it down. And third really is I separate ego from object. It's not about being right.It's about being effective. But let me be clear. This isn't about manipulation. It's about alignment. Emotional labor done right builds trust.And trust is the currency that you have. How to protect yourself, though you might wonder, and you need to know. Here's the hard part. If you don't name it, emotional labor will burn you out.You'll feel exhausted and not know why. You'll give and give and start to resent your own leadership. I don't want you to get there. So here's what I've learned.This is what you know I should be doing more often. And part of this I'm sharing with you guys is so that I could further reinforce my own practice of this kind of following.So, tracking it, literally journaling. Where did I spend emotional energy today? Speaking it in your leadership circles. Talk about it. Normalize it. Protecting boundaries.So emotional labor is powerful, but it's not infinite. There needs to be protection of one's boundaries. You're not a sponge for everyone else's feelings, But a vessel for transformation is in my notes.And that's been quite helpful for me to the extent to which I do put it in practice. So if you're a leader, if you're a healthcare leader, you already know this work is personal. You're not just moving contracts, you're moving people.And that takes heart. And thank you for doing the invisible work. Thank you for tuning into this episode. Let's keep leading with strength, clarity, and compassion.And if this resonates with you, share it with a colleague. And as always, stay bold, stay kind, and stay in the arena. I'm Alex Yarijanian, and until next time.